“live & let live”
I wanted to share a resource that has been a massive influence in my professional and personal development.
From the title of this blog you may already know what this post is about but for those of you who do not let me explain. The phrase, “Live and Let Live” originates from the Al-Anon community which is a group of individuals who come together for support and discussion due to their loved ones struggling with alcohol use disorder. The program is in conjunction with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) with some individuals attending both programs.
The journey into either AA or Al-Anon can be a daunting experience that is surrounded by stigma. Although, in my very first Al-Anon meeting I was met with nothing but warmth and kindness from the people within those four walls. An individual in my life suggested going to a meeting due to recent concerns that I expressed to them. I was finding it difficult to discuss family matters with family members and with friends whose families are free from addiction struggles. I had never heard of the program although I felt a pull to attend a meeting. I thought that I would go simply to see what it was like and if it would be a good resource for my clients. Ultimately, I would come to realize that wasn’t it all but rather me seeking support and trying to be understood. The first meeting wasn’t easy due to my body feeling intense emotions and anxiousness. If I am being honest I don’t really remember the meeting because I couldn’t focus on anything but my breath.
I decided to try it again but with more clarity. In particular, an individual in my second meeting said, unbeknownst to me, the infamous Al-Anon saying, “Live and Let Live.” I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly that meant and how to use it in my own personal life. I became frustrated thinking this was a riddle that only a few had the key to understanding. As the individual continued to speak, I realized that the saying is to push you into living for yourself ("Live") and releasing the desire to control the situation or the individual(s) who is associated with the addiction ("Let Live"). My own anxiety and frustration can be decreased or even relinquished when giving up the desire to control. In moving forward I can only manage my own affairs, the way that another person lives their life and makes their own decisions is not based on anything but their own experiences.
Addiction is a disease that can only be fought through the individuals’ own personal desire and despair. I simply cannot control and now nor do I want to push for someone else’s healing journey. Rather, I want to be a pillar of support for when they are ready.
To be able to separate the two has been life changing for me mentally but also has been nothing but beneficial for my relationships. It’s not to say that my life is easier and perfect but rather there is hope and a possibility of peace. Now, as I have been continually going every week I have found that I am not alone in my experiences, thoughts, feelings, and fears. Each meeting I leave feeling relieved and with a little piece of encouragement in my back pocket.
Please feel free to reach out if you need help in finding an Al-Anon group near you and here is their website to learn more: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/
—Madeleine